Tributes and Rememberences of Erica

I have thought for a long time about what I would write about Erica. Actually, I thought that I should write something for her, when she was here, so that she could read it and know that I loved her and appreciated her. I have read all of the comments below and it all holds true for my experiences with her. She made us all feel loved and important and exciting and funny! She laughed with us and listened to us talk about ourselves and our lives even when she had so much going on in hers. I know it was hard for her to ask people for rides and favors but I hope that in the end she knew that everyone wanted to help her as she had helped us in some way over the years that we knew her. She was my friend and my neighbor and she was bigger than life. I have never known anyone like her because I don't think there is another like her. She was special. A couple of days before she passed I knew her time was short but I still couldn't seem to put anything together on paper. Maybe I felt like anything I wrote wouldn't be quite enough. But I know now that anything I would have sent her would have been welcomed into her with all her being and loved by her. She always recognized love in others and she spilled gratitude out of her. In the end I just texted her, "I love you." I'm so glad I did. But I know she knew it anyway.

She was spiritual and kinetic. She was a beam of light. She still is.

Erica inspired me to love life everyday. To see things in a completely different way. She expressed herself with so much joy. Her involvement in our Gurl Scout Troop was always an adventure filled with laughter and smiles. As MC at our woodland pond holiday caroling she kept us all riveted and happy and even with all of her instruments and holiday hats it’s just not the same. I really miss her in my life. I feel so lucky that our paths crossed. Her strength and courage through her cancer journey helped me to care for a friend through her cancer experience, with strength. I never had a chance to tell her that. She made the conversation about sickness and death public, easier to talk about. She really guided me through her actions and writing and I’m grateful for that.

Absolutely the best babysitter ever. Full of fun and vibrant life. My sorrow for all the Chase and Salerno families and also at the same time I know that Erica is free of the confinement that she had these past years and enjoying her old self.

Erica's enthusiasm for life was simply contagious! We miss her bright smile, and the energy she infused into our lives. Seeing these beautiful photos reminds us of her spirit, which will always remain with us, and is a blessing to us all. My family looks forward to celebrating Erica's life with yours on June 16th.

I am grateful to Erica for reconnecting us and our families and I feel incredibly blessed to have been such a close part of her life, even if our reconnection happened later than sooner. So many things come to mind when I think of her, but the most encapsulating times involve my children. A few come to mind: Once when going through a tough medical spike with my son Joey, I ran into her and started crying and started to apologize, but she said, "I can handle the hard stuff." This was right before her cancer diagnoses so I would find out how true that was. She loved my son, who has autism and isn't always the easiest person to understand, for who he was. She connected to him on his level. She would keep stacks of potato chips at her house that he loved so when she saw him or one of us she would give us one. I mean, who does that!? She asked to take him to the science fair at SUNY NP and she guided him through various workshops that challenged his sensory issues. She took my daughter all over with her family and had some really heartfelt conversations with her. She told me she really felt like she and Sammy really had a connection and she got her. She was right; when Sammy found out that Erica only had months to live, she cried and said she couldn't believe that such an amazing person would be gone from her life. So, thank you, Erica, for reconnecting our families. I have learned so much from you and I am forever changed by knowing you so closely.

I've been trying to find the words to express the joy I feel at having had Erica's friendship in my life, the astonishment I feel at her extreme vibrance, the inspiration I feel because of the way she fully embraced her life and her dying, and the grief I feel that we won't have deep conversations anymore, and I can only think of two words that can encompass these things: Love and gratitude. I have enormous gratitude for having known Erica. Erica is love. And, her love shines on. I love you, Erica.

These beautiful photographs totally remind me of Erica's exuberance for LIFE with a capital L. Her smile was/is unforgettable. From the days when our singing lessons were back to back at Nancy Herforth's, I have followed Erica's journey with much appreciation. More recently it was especially her contribution to the Kids Almanac, and her openness inviting us, young and old, in to her cancer journey, dispelling fear by spreading so much courage, quirky insight and even infectious joy in darker corners of our psyches. Thank you Erica. YOur light is with us still.

One of my favorite authors, Ken Liu, wrote, "We are defined by the places we hold in the web of others’ lives." I was reminded of this passage when reflecting on Erica's life. And what an interconnected web she wove, and made stronger. I used to joke to her that it was her fault (and Mike's) that our family ended up in the Hudson Valley after leaving California. I was doing research on areas on the East Coast, near NYC, and stumbled upon Hudson Valley Parents...where I discovered a community of like-minded people who ended up being my tribe. Ironically, she was one of the last HVP'ers I met in person, and by the time we did, we'd both heard so much about each other that it felt like fate (and on my end, an honor), that we'd be friends. Later, a casual comment I made to Erica about how I'd like to start a YA book club for adults led to her urging me, over the course of a year or two, to finally do it, and of course I did. Book club gatherings with Erica always brought the discussion to a new level of introspection and personal sharing; they were much more subdued (and shorter) whenever she wasn't present. I watched her grow and take flight as a writer in her own right, and her voice emerged so beautifully and authentically. Erica's level of curiosity about everyone and everything was always a reminder to me to stay awake, to always ask questions, to not get complacent or stuck or just lazy. Her straightforward kindness also kept me rooted to my own place of generosity. Whenever she'd pass a specialty bakery near Kingston that sold fancy decorated cookies in both the regular and gluten-free variety, she'd pick up one of each for my kids, knowing how much it might mean to my gluten-free daughter to have the same fun cookie as her sister. And then she'd drop them in my mailbox and text me, and my kids would run out to find them. And she was right; each and every time, it meant the world to Clea that someone thought of her that way. Erica brought us to our community, then showed me the joys of staying open and connected as a member of that community. The web that links us all is stronger, and larger, and sparklier, because of the places Erica held in it. Sail forward, dear friend. I hope your next adventure is ready for you.

Erica's energy penetrated everyone she met. She raised the mood in every space I shared with her. Anytime I saw Erica, she made me laugh and made me think and made me reflect; even for just a moment. Her enthusiasm for me; ME! and my children; My children! was present each time I met her despite her illness and her journey. She had the same dynamic personality the entire time I knew her. One of the last times I saw Erica in a coffee shop she handed me a beautiful little origami star and when I unfolded it, it read;… Read more »

We will miss Erica. For several years she played viola in our quartet and was a great inspiration to us all. She always had such a fantastic passion, not only for life, but for everything and everyone she knew or touched. What a rare wonderful lady she was. Thank you, Erica, for blessing us with your company, some of the time you were here with us in this earthly dimension.

Erica will be sorely missed by the 4-H Community. She showed a peerless amount of energy and enthusiasm for life, youth, and 4-H programming. Her selflessness in serving as a Volunteer in the midst of her cancer journey was remarkable. Love to Mike, Declan and Quinn, whose 4-H presentation on gemology I once had the pleasure of observing. Head On and Heart Strong Erica. Melanie and the Ulster County 4-H Team

I didn't know her personally, but I have been following her beautiful musings for some time online now regarding her cancer. As I sit here with tears in my eyes, I am grateful to have read her work and for the free-spirited life she lived. My deepest condolences to her family, her husband and children and all who loved her. May her Viking Ship take her home to the stars beyond the Rainbow Bridge.

Erica Chase-Salerno was the bravest woman I never knew. Writer, healer, wife, mother, friend. I know this because I'm one of the thousands who was privileged to discover her cancer journey in the folds of the Almanac. She astounded me with her humor and optimism, during what, for most of us (all of us?), would be a time to grieve. But this was not her path. No - her path was lit with an unceasing inspiration. It is a path that broke every expectation of what it means to have a terminal illness. Sharing her extraordinary wisdom and insight with complete strangers has been life changing;I suspect not just for me, but for everyone she connected with - making all of us a little less scared of what could be. Head on, and heart strong - her gift will live on.

Stacey Rein, Tivoli, NY

There are so many things to say about Erica, but what I would want to express about her most to someone who never met her was her ability to dig deep, to face her own demons, question her own assumptions, and reinvent parts of herself over and over again. She was always so ERICA, but also so able to forget everything she thought she knew about something, drop her ego completely, and begin again with completely new ideas. I saw her do that again and again. It was remarkable. So rare to see in people. She was so curious, so open, so willing to learn. She was famous for saying something was "epic!" or a "game-changer!" She totally meant it every time she said it. She was never stagnant. Always ready for the next "game-changer". Always open to that next thing that would change everything for her. I loved that so much.

The other thing I would want someone to know about her is the way she SAW you. I had the pleasure of going to Jacob's Pillow with her last summer (2018) and saw a dance company we loved, Monica Bill Barnes. We spoke to the 2 dancers in the company after the show and of course Erica was effusive. But it was what she was telling them about their dancing that sticks with me. She completely saw what they were doing with their dance and reflected it back to them. Watching them take in her love of their work was such pure pleasure. You see it in the video when she meets The Rock - the moment when his face and body language change and he realizes this isn't just some fan he is speaking to - this is a person who SEES him. What a lucky guy getting to meet Erica. I aspire to see people as you did, my friend. To see their many parts and accept them fully and with love.

Since her death last week I keep having waves of memories of her. I am so grateful for every moment I had with her. I wish there had been even more. I am not going to fully absorb that she is not on this plane with us anymore for a while. It is difficult to accept. As much as Erica was ready to face her own death and her mortality, I don't feel quite so ready. I miss her deeply. Every day since her death I have taken actions inspired by her life. I am being more present. I am being more open. I am letting in more love. I am trying to notice and appreciate things that I didn't before. I am making sure people know how much I love them. I am thinking about how I can create greater connection and community. I am trying to be less afraid. Her life had a deep, important and lasting impact on me. I am figuring out how to carry that forward. I hope to honor her in small ways every day for the rest of my life.

I hope I enjoy at least ONE thing in my life as much as Erica enjoyed cannoli cream. I am going to try. I love you so much, Erica.

Martha Cheo

Hilary

I knew Erica through the Shine group. I absolutely loved her spirit and energy. Over the years we would email each other and that energy was always there. The word love comes to mind when thinking of her. My heart and blessings go to her family. She will always be in our hearts.

Erica lived, truly lived so much in her short life! I didnt know her really well but she was always an inspiration to me. As a first time, nervous homeschool mom, she gave me words of encouragement and support and let my kids choose books from her homeschool library. She had more courage than anyone else I've seen! She smiled more than most of us with good health ever did. She appreciated the little things. She promoted justice and loved all, as I saw in her writings and comments. I only hope to see her on the other side where I will give her a great big hug! Hugs and prayers to her husband and kids, also brave souls. I hope that they reach out to those around them if and when they ever need. My love to Erica and her family. She will be sorely missed.

I am so very sorry to hear of Erica's passing. I did not know Erica very well as our lives crossed paths briefly through a ceramics class sponsored by Miles of Hope that I assisted. She was resistant at first about attending the class but in time, I know that she secretly enjoyed it especially when her brother, George, joined her in class during a visit. Her sense of humor and encouragement to others made everyone smile. I remember the last day of class, she gave everyone in the studio inspirational cards and folded paper stars with inspirational sayings inside. She truly touched everyone's heart. I carry the card and folded star in my wallet and will cherish it. As I read all the tributes to Erica, I can see why she meant so much to so many. I wish her friends and family peace in their hearts and joy in the thoughts of this wonderful woman.

Erica was radical in every (great) sense of the word and I'm so glad I knew her. Love to Mike and the kids.

One of the bravest people I know passed away yesterday morning. I reached out to her last week, just with a feeling that all my thoughts about her would be in vain if I didn’t since I knew there wasn’t much time left. I asked how she was and she told me things were progressing, she was finishing up. (Oof)

What wise and certain words they were, to know your time is coming and face it as bravely as going to war. In my opinion, that’s exactly what she had done; she had fought with every ounce of her being and she had done it with grace and a quick whit. Erica had this way of teaching you to communicate and be more selfless just by having a conversation with her. Then to kick it another step further, she would thank *you* for sharing, as if a privilege and yet, it was truly mine.

I hope and pray for her family as they look for ways to understand and to carry on as I know that’s exactly what she had planned for them. She spent a lot of her time here helping others understand her situation and even attempt to comfort them, during her most difficult times while simultaneously making them laugh.

Her life will be a constant reminder of how much of an impact one person can have when we choose to be present and always be willing to stride forward toward growth.

I never met Erica but heard so much about her uniqueness from her parents there are no words to describe the loss of a child may God bless you with comfort

I certainly ate up and cherished EVERY moment I spent with Erica while she was here ~ the Pure Glorious Spirit in Human Form that she was. My family's lives have been all the better because of Her Presence in our Shine Unschooling Community, as well as Michael, Quinn and Declan's. Erica and I connected on a deep level over the things that we both loved the most ~ our families and HAMILTON! I will forever continue to connect with her in her non-physical form, calling upon her especially when I need to LIGHTEN UP and LAUGH at mySelf! Love Love Loads of Love Always, All Ways ~ Anne xoxo

For ECS from Eis

Jennifer Castle

Crikey, Donna. That was achingly perfect. Thank you for sharing this.

Jennifer Bruntil

This was beautifully written. A perfect tribute. I know she must have loved reading it too.

Remembering Erica by Darcie Whelan-Kortan 2/8/19

I met Erica when my twins were babies. I was a worried and tired new mom and needed to connect with other moms. Erica had started a number of online groups to help families connect. I remember going to her house for a moms’ group and getting there early, so it was just the two of us—two moms who didn’t know each other. I put my two car seats with sleeping infants on her table. I wasn’t breast-feeding for medical reasons. Perhaps that’s why I was somewhat aghast when she, completely unabashedly, suddenly pulled off her shirt and put a very large Declan (in my mind, he is like eight, but he was probably two or three) on her breast. Erica was like that—wide open about her life in every way (and you know how they say to breast-feed as long as you can to protect against breast cancer? Goddamnit, she DID that! WTF??). I would learn later that she had given birth to her son by herself—not even a midwife or a husband in the room. But that story doesn’t surprise anyone who knows her.

Erica was one of those people who had so many friends, I never quite felt I could claim her as one of mine. But she kept appearing in the middle of all my circles of friends. My cousin called her the Oprah of New Paltz, and she really was. Erica repeatedly exclaimed about my cousin, “Sue Busby! You are sooo FUNNY!” (She is). But she would say this constantly and loudly, at every meet-up with Sue, to the point where, if it were me,I might feel pressured to write some one-liners in case I bumped into her at the store. She absolutely delighted in people and screamed her delight to the mountaintops, over and over again.

When my son, who has multiple disabilities, was in third grade, we made the decision to send him to a school for the blind in the Bronx. This meant we would move there if the school was satisfactory. I remember sitting in a booth in Barnaby’s with Sue and Erica. Sue was sad that our family might move. But Erica was passionate about embracing this change, imploring Sue to understand, “This is her JOURNEY!! You can’t hold her back from this!” I understood Sue’s feelings, but Erica, like she is with everything, was all about embracing change. She was especially ebullient about change that might seem sad or hard to others. Her enthusiasm in that moment really bolstered my resolve to bring him to the Bronx. We didn’t move because the school wasn’t all we expected, but we learned a lot through the experience—and we would never have tried the school if we weren’t ultimately willing to move there.

After trying the school in the Bronx, we had many problems with the local public schools. I was despondent and felt I had no options until a friend told me there was a great homeschooling community. Now here was Erica’s wheelhouse! Wow, was there ever a community, with multiple online groups and real-life gatherings and the most supportive, wonderful women (because, let’s be real, it’s all moms) I have ever met. Erica made of all of this happen. I remember going to an informational meeting in one mom’s yurt, (how homeschooly!) where I tried to articulate to Erica my fears about homeschooling. “I just don’t know if I can do it right. Where do I get a curriculum for his special needs?” She replied, “There is no curriculum. There is no right way. What do you want him to learn?” Her big brown eyes were full of joy about the experience I only saw with fear. “Start there. There are no mistakes.”

Erica would host the Homeschool Swap every year at her house. My son wanted to sell Oreo cookies and juice boxes. He set up a table on the uneven lawn and labored to count quarters (hello, math!) with shaky hands while toddlers stole Oreos under his nose. I walked slowly, holding my son’s hand to keep him from falling, from table to table, where homeschooled kids were selling handmade bookmarks and earrings and pierogies. In the house, there were old toys for sale on sheets on the floor that my son tripped on as we tramped through her house to the crowded kitchen where Erica’s voice boomed. It was chaos. And she loved every second of it.

It was through homeschooling that my son advanced in his academic skills, gaining a grade level every year in reading! Erica was right, I COULD do it and I mostly did it without a curriculum—I had him read what he liked. But after four years, both my son and I needed to move on from homeschooling. I applied to Perkins School for the Blind in Boston, which is a residential school for kids who are visually impaired and also for those who are multiply disabled. I didn’t think we would really send him there, I just didn’t know where else to turn. But he got accepted and he really wanted to go there. Because he had come so far in academic skills during homeschooling, he was accepted into their higher achieving program, the Secondary School. He is even on track to get a high school diploma! It’s possible that none of this would have happened without Erica.

The last time I saw Erica, I bumped into her in a café, where she was typing away on her laptop, probably doing another blog post about her life with cancer. She called my name from only two feet away at the table next to me. I jumped. I had not recognized her, she looked so different. The cancer was changing her face, weakening her voice, wiring her hair. I told her that Tim was moving away to Perkins. Immediately, tears poured out of her. She didn’t have to say anything. She just cried. I knew why. At that time, I had not let myself feel the emotions about my son leaving. She felt it for me and my eyes went liquid too. I wondered at her ability to focus on others—she had cried about my son leaving home, brought some healing to me by opening my heart, and yet not discussed at all her dance with death that was evident to anyone who saw her. I felt ashamed at being so self-involved that I did not inquire about her but also awed by her kindness.

One morning recently, I wrote her a Facebook message telling her how much she had helped me and my family. I did not know she had died the night before. But if it’s at all possible to get your messages in the afterlife, Erica is checking her PMs. I can imagine she is already creating a new life and community wherever she has organized her energy now. Maybe on a big stage on a huge fluffy cloud like Oprah, booming to a packed audience of depressed recent arrivals from the other side, “This is our JOURNEY! Let’s embrace it!” and of course, “EVERYONE in the audience is getting A BRAND NEW PAIR OF WINGS!”

Erica helped me learn how to help my tiny baby pee and poo outside of diapers 14 years ago. I love you and your laughing spirit forever, Erica! Thanks for your way-outside-the-stupid-box insights. You are shining on in the hearts of all that got to hang out with you. I imagine you are also reading all these posts from beyond -- because how could you resist this much love?! xoxoxoxoxo

I doubt I will ever meet a more genuinely beautiful person in my life. I'm so thankful that I had her in my life. "It’s so much darker when a light goes out than it would have been if it had never shone.”

Erica - How can I ever thank you enough. You taught me what was important and what wasn't. You taught me so much about parenting and homeschooling and you taught me what Joie de Vivre really looks like. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. XO